What they don’t teach you in (V)alue-Education

Under normal circumstances I abide by the doctrine of non-violence. But sometimes things or people just drive me over the edge. It never results in homicide but in the darkest chambers of my mind it plays out with utmost clarity.

I always liked the Guns and Roses song, “I used to love her, but I had to kill her”. It speaks to the side of me that might like to swing a baseball bat or two (its easier swingin’ than a cricket bat) at certain people at uncertain times. Mostly it’s those who hyperventilate. Nothing gets easier or better with panic for company but some dimwits just don’t get it. So they will do the crazy dance over your head and all you want to do is pick the best gloves in the house and box their head off.

The other category I can’t stand are micro-managers who don’t leave that skill at work. I mean, a trip is more fun if you know enough to come out of it alive. Leave the rest to chance and adventure so that you can live to tell the tale of how you got lost or how the trek to the top of the mountain left you staring not at the panoramic view of the city but a well guarded military base.

Don’t even get me started on how many maniacs on the road have made me want to play my version of the Monster Truck Madness (Yes video games are integral to your personality development. Don’t listen to Mommy).

However, more difficult than all of this is experiencing fury within and maintaining a straight face, (or worse still) a smile, without. Giving someone a piece of your mind might help you reach a bearable lightness of being. But it doesn’t last long enough to save you from the next jolt from the blue.

Therefore it helps to cultivate the fine art of making a Kill Bill rip-off in your head, while somebody is blabbering on like there’s no tomorrow. All the imaginary swashbuckling leaves you satiated enough to smile at something that ordinarily would make you want to turn diabolical.

It is almost like reaching a state where you can levitate far from the maddening crowd and pretend that nothing below don’t matter.

Ah the (short-lived) joy of fooling yourself with the I-can-rise-above-and-be-a-bigger-person-by-not-reacting.

There’s no rising above anything really.

The only decision worth making is what will be your weapon of choice in the violent movie in your head the next time someone more than tickles your not so funny bone.

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